Letter to a friend
A very dear friend came by today with the news that she and her husband are heading to splittsville. This is for her, even though I doubt she has the time to surf the blogs.
J****,
My heart aches for you and the kids. I wish I had words of wit, comfort and wisdom for you right now but my ownhell marriage has left me void of most feelings and emotions of late. Maybe, just maybe if I share a bit, you will find the silver lining I have already spotted in your cloud.
You ARE the breadwinner. You HAVE been the breadwinner for 20 years and love what you do. That makes leaving your kids easier. I, on the other hand, have never, ever found a single job I love enough to feel that leaving the girls is ok. And I mean ok for me, not all the women in the world. You have insurance, benefits and a family who by all appearances, will support you.
You have the courage I lack. I have no problem facing the fact that Hubster is a slug most of the time, that he does exactly zip when it comes to our family, I just lack the courage to leave and start again. I mean, how does a 30something with no savings, no health insurance, no credit and a mountain of debt start again without a decent, steady, good paying job?
You asked me how a person could change so much. If I knew, we'd both not be in the sinking ships we are riding down. I know exactly, to the minute, when Hubster changed. I have foolishly told myself he would change back when xx was better or qqq changed. He is not the man I married. Sometimes I wonder if he is even on the same planet. I wonder if somewhere, at this very minute, there is man wondering if I exist as much as I am wondering if the man of my dreams exists. I am finding it so incredibly hard to believe there is a man anywhere who actually has the backbone to stand by his woman through thick, thin, heaven and hell anymore. Or do we all just live in a Hollywood generated dreamland, fooled by the silverscreen and fairytales?
I wish I could tell you that life after the man would be easier, that you would find the freedom and pride he has sucked from you over the years. That the kids would just wake up the day after it's final and be the happy-go-lucky kiddos I used to feed snacks to after school. That you'd find another, more perfect house in the country to replace the one you are giving up. That the Knight in Shining Armor is just over the ridge, waiting for you. That all your dreams are not being fed down the garbage disposal which will sure as shit back up all over your brand new, going-out-on-the-town-to-drink-his-memory-away dress, leaving a horrid stain mirroring the stains he left behind on your soul. Sadly, I cannot tell you a single thing other than the girls and I love you and the kids with or without the man. That my door, heart and arms are always open for you. And should, someday in the future, I see the man out of the crosswalk while crossing the street, his day will have come. God willing, I will be driving the dump truck and feel only the slightest of bumps when plowing his ass into the pavement.
Please remember that I have seen you for YOU forever and a moon or two. It's never been J**** and the man, it's been J****. You matter. You make a difference in lives you cannot imagine, ever. And remember, you deserve the best because you give the best in all you do. I am honored to call you friend.
With much love and not enough booze,
The other J.
J****,
My heart aches for you and the kids. I wish I had words of wit, comfort and wisdom for you right now but my own
You ARE the breadwinner. You HAVE been the breadwinner for 20 years and love what you do. That makes leaving your kids easier. I, on the other hand, have never, ever found a single job I love enough to feel that leaving the girls is ok. And I mean ok for me, not all the women in the world. You have insurance, benefits and a family who by all appearances, will support you.
You have the courage I lack. I have no problem facing the fact that Hubster is a slug most of the time, that he does exactly zip when it comes to our family, I just lack the courage to leave and start again. I mean, how does a 30something with no savings, no health insurance, no credit and a mountain of debt start again without a decent, steady, good paying job?
You asked me how a person could change so much. If I knew, we'd both not be in the sinking ships we are riding down. I know exactly, to the minute, when Hubster changed. I have foolishly told myself he would change back when xx was better or qqq changed. He is not the man I married. Sometimes I wonder if he is even on the same planet. I wonder if somewhere, at this very minute, there is man wondering if I exist as much as I am wondering if the man of my dreams exists. I am finding it so incredibly hard to believe there is a man anywhere who actually has the backbone to stand by his woman through thick, thin, heaven and hell anymore. Or do we all just live in a Hollywood generated dreamland, fooled by the silverscreen and fairytales?
I wish I could tell you that life after the man would be easier, that you would find the freedom and pride he has sucked from you over the years. That the kids would just wake up the day after it's final and be the happy-go-lucky kiddos I used to feed snacks to after school. That you'd find another, more perfect house in the country to replace the one you are giving up. That the Knight in Shining Armor is just over the ridge, waiting for you. That all your dreams are not being fed down the garbage disposal which will sure as shit back up all over your brand new, going-out-on-the-town-to-drink-his-memory-away dress, leaving a horrid stain mirroring the stains he left behind on your soul. Sadly, I cannot tell you a single thing other than the girls and I love you and the kids with or without the man. That my door, heart and arms are always open for you. And should, someday in the future, I see the man out of the crosswalk while crossing the street, his day will have come. God willing, I will be driving the dump truck and feel only the slightest of bumps when plowing his ass into the pavement.
Please remember that I have seen you for YOU forever and a moon or two. It's never been J**** and the man, it's been J****. You matter. You make a difference in lives you cannot imagine, ever. And remember, you deserve the best because you give the best in all you do. I am honored to call you friend.
With much love and not enough booze,
The other J.
posted by jill at 7:45 PM
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