Because Jane asked:

Christmas Elf Name My Christmas Elf Name is Get your Christmas Elf Name at JokesUnlimited.com

And because I cannot stand surprises, I had to know this:

Secret Santa This year my Secret Santa bought me : A Posted Dated $1 Million Cheque $1 Million For 3001 Get your Secret Santa gift at JokesUnlimited.com

It would be a POST-dated check for an obscene amount of money. ::Sob:: The yarn I could buy. The quilt stuff I could get. The houses we could own (I want one solely for me and my habits. I mean hobbies. So my similarly afflicted friends could have a place to crash while we work. I mean gab and eat and act like slugs.) The vacations we could take. Secret Santa, you are just mean!